On Saturday night I ventured into the deep dark belly of the beast.

A couple of weeks ago I promised an upcoming column about chick flicks, and with The Wedding Date coming out on DVD this Tuesday, now seemed like as good a time as any.

In preparation I talked to various women about chick flicks, and I watched Legally Blonde and Under the Tuscan Sun, two quintessential chick flicks.

I hope my readers appreciate the hell I went through to bring them this column. Watching those two movies back to back is not a fate I would wish on any heterosexual man.

Before we get too lost in the emotional roller coaster rides, beautiful shoes, and beautiful men, I?d like to take a moment to deal with the term ?chick flick? itself.

I realize that some people find the word ?chick? offensive, and demeaning, and find labeling a whole category of movies as chick flicks is unfair, and degrading. And while I understand those concerns, the realities of the situation must be taken into consideration as well.

No one is going to claim that Legally Blonde is being marketed to men, and Under the Tuscan Sun has a divorcee trying to make it on her own in Tuscany, complete with pregnant lesbian sidekick (surrounded by gorgeous Italian men, I might add.)

So instead of using an ungainly term like ?movies marketed almost exclusively towards women? we fall back on ?chick flick.? No offense is meant by the term, it?s just that being PC is a bit exhausting and sometimes we need to relax.

It?s a lot like saying ?action movie? instead of ?film with no intelligent plot which is overwhelmingly popular to men because of the fast cars, big explosions, and hot women,? but more about that later.

The proposition of reviewing The Wedding Date was a bit daunting at first; I?ve never been a good judge of chick flicks.

The truth is that I know almost nothing about women (I can give you list of ex-girlfriends as references on that one.)
As a video store employee, people are constantly asking my opinion about movies, and when it comes to chick flicks, my response is usually, ?I didn?t care for it all that much, but my girlfriend seemed to enjoy it.?

But somewhere between Bridget Jones?s Diary, Legally Blonde, and Under the Tuscan Sun, I had an epiphany.

Chick flicks are superhero movies for women. The heroics are different ? more emotions, less explosions ? but they?re basically the same in all of the critical elements.

I?ve watched Die Hard more times than I can count because I like the heroics, and I believe under the right circumstances I could do just as well as John McClane (even though I don?t know anything about plastic explosives, automatic weapons, or hostage situations.)

On a basic level, I believe the same is true for women when they watch Bridget Jones?s Diary or Under the Tuscan Sun. And quite frankly, the heroics in chick flicks are a lot more realistic than throwing bombs down elevator shafts or blowing Jaws? head off.

However, this theory about chick flicks does not make me any more capable of reviewing The Wedding Date.

Starring Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney, it?s about a woman who hires a male escort to go to the wedding of her sister and her ex-boyfriend.

Unfortunately while I have this great theory about why chick flicks are popular with women, it doesn?t help me to differentiate the good ones from the bad ones any more than I can explain why I love Die Hard and Die Hard: With a Vengeance, but hate Die Hard 2.

The worst part is that my girlfriend is out of town until September so I can?t even fall back on her opinion.

I will say that I don?t think The Wedding Date was anything special, and while it might be fun to watch, it certainly doesn?t have any timeless qualities.

The premise is kind of interesting ? sort of a cynical modern fairy tale ? but it doesn?t really draw you in, and you don?t really sympathize with the characters.

I honestly think I felt more attached to Elle Woods in Legally Blonde than any of the characters in The Wedding Date.

The film is technically unremarkable and the acting is second rate.

The good news is that Die Hard 4.0 is in pre-production and scheduled to be released in 2006.

Long live John McClane!






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