Back and loaded with more wacky tacky tales from the retail realm.

“The Negligent Mother?
I was working in the men?s fitting room when the store opened a few weeks ago. There were a few customers milling about but the change rooms were empty so I was just cleaning up the place. Suddenly, three boys wandered into the change rooms, calling out for their mother.

We all had to watch a video on what to do whenever there?s a lost child in the store so news reports of kidnappings flashed in my paranoid mind. I immediately told the boys to stay put in the men?s fitting room and then asked them to give them a description and the name of their mother. With my trusty walkie-talkie, I told everyone in the store to keep an eye out for a woman by the name of Gabrielle. Glasses, pink t-shirt and jean shorts. Ten minutes passed and no one has seen Gabrielle.

Starting to panic, I tried to keep the boys calm by talking to them about ?Family Guy? and ?The Simpsons? while coworkers would occasionally pop in to comment on how adorable they look. But the boys remained eerily calm as if this wasn?t the first time that they were separated from their mother.

Another five minutes had passed and out of the corner of my eye I see a woman: pink t-shirt and glasses.

?Don?t go anywhere, I think I see your mother,? I shouted.

I then ran over to the women?s department and lo and behold, she was Gabrielle.

?Your children are waiting for you in the men?s fitting room.?

?Oh two of them aren?t even my kids, they?re my nephews. Just tell them that I?ll be in the women?s fitting room,? she serenely replied as she evaluated the quality of a sweater on a rack.

Shocked and mildly pissed off I replied, ?Would you like me to send them over to the women?s fitting room??

?Sure, whatever.?

By now the kids have spotted the woman would who rather shop than be a decent human being. They were reunited, I went back to work in the change room and 10 minutes later when I was on my break I saw the children wander about in the store again.

Child services on line one.

?The Right Here, Right Now Customer?

I was helping this rather, uh, large gentleman (42 waist, 30 inseam) find clothes and this was a customer that would ask me a question every 30 seconds rather than ask me a string of questions at a single time. Normally, I wouldn?t be too annoyed by this but it was an insanely busy day and my shift was about to end in five minutes.

Anyways, he was looking around the store for shirts and I was telling him what shirts to avoid since not everything looks flattering on a guy who?s XXL.

?Avoid this bright orange shirt, it doesn?t suit you,? I said, implying that he?ll look like an iridescent pumpkin.
?Why? I kind of like it,? he responded.

I asked if he wanted to try on the shirt and right there and then in the middle of the floor he ripped off his shirt to reveal the hairy, flabby and sweaty body that will forever haunt my dreams. Other customers turned around and with their stares, blamed me for unleashing this horrible sight to the public.

?Um, I think it?s better if we went to the fitting rooms,? I said.






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