Reports - though none credible - indicate that producers of American Idol are eager to replace Paula Abdul as a judge on the next season of the hit show.

According to Star Magazine, aliens are invading… sorry wrong page… producers have asked Whitney Houston to be the new judge.

Whitney is crazy, unpredictable, and unreliable. Potential disaster? No. Best move ever.

Let’s take a look at Paula vs. Whitney:

Paula has been a “judge” for four years. She loves everyone who takes the stage, so she’s not really a judge at all. She’s already had the affair with a contestant, so it’s not like she’s going to shock you anymore in future seasons. How’s she going to top the affair? Anything short of snorting cocaine live on the air will be a disappointment.

Which is exactly why Whitney will be a great judge.

Whitney’s going to be just as fed up as you are hearing contestants sing Alicia Keys’ Fallin’ a million times, and she’s going to speak up, unlike Abdul who will send them to Hollywood, and maybe even offer them a room. Whitney will get in their face and yell at them for having the nerve to sing such a tired song. Every week, she’ll have you guessing what her current problem is: Eating disorder? Domestic abuse? Drug problem? Maybe all three!

American Idol is boring. It was exciting the first season to see what Simon would say, but it became obvious that it was just a gimmick during the middle of that season. The first and second seasons were memorable, not because of the judges, but because they had great singers. Seasons three and four had weaker singers, and a fifth season needs something fresh.

The talent isn’t going to get any better; Ryan Seacrest will still be Ryan Seacrest; so the only fix is to get Whitney Houston.

I have to follow the music industry every day, and I am proud to admit that I haven’t watched American Idol in two years (aside from the last 5 minutes of the finales).

As I’ve mentioned in previous columns (and taken the abuse after I said so), I hate country music. But I can’t say I hate season four winner Carrie Underwood because I’ve never actually heard her sing (and I think I’m a happier person because of that).

(As a follow-up to a past column: I have heard Shania Twain sing and I still dislike her music. Feel free to email your complaints. And don’t tell me she’s a pop singer. I know she has pop elements to her music, but telling me she is a pop singer is insulting your intelligence.)

I’ve stumbled off the point. The point is American Idol has lost its relevance. Its only chance of survival is making the show interesting again, and who is more interesting than Whitney Houston? If after five seconds, you can’t think of anyone, the only move is to give Whitney a job. And I can promise you one thing, Idol would have at least one more viewer.

Complaints can be sent to adam(AT)andpop.com.


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