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AskDani – Advice for Men About Women

Posted by andPOP Staff on September 5th, 2004

Why Do women play games?

I need to take a minute and say, women aren’t the ONLY people that play games. Men have a few games they like to play with women as well. Example? The “I’ll call you” game. See previous column for my feelings on that one. Another example? Ok, how about the “Talk sweet to you and tell you what you want to hear so I can get what I want” game?

Hmmm? all of a sudden there is silence in the room. I wonder why? Well, I guess I better get back to the topic at hand. Why DO women play games?

In one word? Insecurity. Another word? Rejection. Playing games means playing it safe. The first group of games that women play is the flirting games. This consists of the look, smile, hair play and walk by to name just a few. Let’s create a scenario to help make it clear for all you visual males out there. Ok, imagine you are in a club (insert fave club scene here) the music’s pumping, lights flashing and the floor is packed with dancers. Smoke is filling the room and through the haze you see an extremely hot chick (insert your “type of girl” here) hanging with her friends at the bar. Ok, so, you make you way closer to get a better look, she sees you and immediately looks away. Does that mean she thinks you are ugly? Nope. It means that she is embarrassed because she caught you looking. So, a few minutes later you are looking at her again, and she looks back and smiles, adding a hair toss or running her hands through her hair. This is a very good sign boys! Playing with hair always means she is flirting with you.

Now, if sometime during the night you notice girls walking by you and your friends and they seem to be doing that –A LOT. This is not your imagination. They are doing this for attention, to catch your eye. Pay attention next time and see if they look your way, smile and play with their hair or any other piece of clothing. Any and all of these are definitely attention seeking behaviors. Laughing loudly, chasing, playing and dancing with each other are also surefire ways of getting a male’s attention. Why do we do this? It is a safe way to see if you will react favorably to us. If you say anything to us or join in (by smiling, laughing, or dancing with us) then that means you are interested. If not we can go on to other men in the club. We have our answer with out getting a direct rejection. Does that make sense? Women could do the obvious and go up to a guy and say let’s hook up (which would never happen– except for extremely confident women and there aren’t many of those?sorry guys). But then the possibility of a rejection directly to her face would mean humiliation, and women do not handle humiliation well. So, indirect signals are sent to see if there is any interest before women go to the next level.

So, she has looked at you, given you a smile, played with her hair and walked by you several times with her friends laughing and looking at you. Ok, you get the courage to go over to her, say hi, and introduce yourself. You two get to talking a bit. Here is the next level?touch. If she touches you, she is definitely into you. If she laughs at your jokes?another good sign. Bad signs? If she looks away not keeping eye contact, talks more to her friends than you and if she turns her body away from you?say looking back out on the dance floor, this is not good gentlemen; get the heck out of there and find a new hottie. Now you ask, why all the games leading up to this point and then a rejection? Well, she was interested in you until you came closer and talked. Why the change? Maybe she thought you were cuter from a distance and isn’t as attracted to you as she thought she might be. You might have said something really dumb that she didn’t like?ugh, some of those pick up lines are just horrible! I don’t want to sound cruel, but hey?you guys have been in that spot too, or you will be at least once in your lifetime. I’m here to give you the truth even if it hurts a little. I want you to be better informed, and hopefully through that, not take it as personally. And honestly, I know, most guys don’t take it as personally as women do. That’s why women play more games then men.

Alright, let’s say you have gotten through the first awkward meeting stage, now the fun begins! You ask her to dance, she says sure and off you go towards the dance floor. I know for many of you (next to the end of the night), this is your favorite part! You can get close to this girl and her behavior here will show you where this night might end up. Now, good signs are; she lets you get really close to her (aka grinding), she lets you touch her (example here would be?your hands on her hips or waist), she looks you in the face as you are dancing and finally; if SHE touches YOU. All really good signs boys! You are in it to win it!

Ok, just so you know, if you don’t at least ATTEMPT to touch her or get any closer, she will think you aren’t into her. This is not an ok to leach up on her and hump her leg guys?don’t go over the top?please! But subtle attempts are expected. I stress here the word SUBTLE. Not aggressive groping! That will more likely get you a slap in the face than a kiss goodnight. Some women may be into the groping, but the majority of girls aren’t into that, especially if they have just met the guy. If you do that, it basically says to a girl, “I just want you for sex”, and can be a HUGE turn off. And because all of my dear readers are all gentlemen, I know I won’t have to worry about that? right??? This is the part where all of you say “Yes, of course!”

Thank you. I feel better now.

To recap: Women play games because they are insecure and fear rejection. They like to do things subtly and less “out there”, rather than risk humiliation directly. For now, we have covered the initial dating/flirting phase. Next time, I will cover the games we women play in a dating relationship.

And as always, feel free to email me with any questions, comments, and suggestions. I look forward to hearing from you!
askdani@msn.com

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