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Adam?s Analysis: Boring Billboard Awards

Posted by Adam Gonshor on December 10th, 2002

Two hours of one of the most boring awards shows I?ve ever seen- here?s my run down:

  • Avril looked more boring than she?s ever looked in her life. She barely even moved her stiff self. During her minute of ?Sk8r Boi,? she must have changed the beat ten times, and was off key for a lot of her performance.

  • Cedric the Entertainer made me laugh once- when he was out of breath after walking down the aisle and singing a few words of ?Lose Yourself.?
  • Most awkward moment of the night: Nick Cannon and Joe yammering back and forth about God knows what, with the crowd completely silent. Then Joe told JC Chavez to ?Say something dawg,? and he announced some nominees, as the crowd went nuts to the sound of his voice.
  • Busta Rhymes was checking out Joanie ?Chyna? Laurer. Enough said. After doing so, who?s going to buy his album which he so shamelessly plugged?
  • Barry Williams as Elvis: I don?t know what to think.
  • It was hilarious when one of the B2K boys said he?s rooting for ?Troy Keith? in the country category (His name is TOBY Keith). Toby must have been thrilled to go up and accept the award from his “biggest fans.”
  • What kind of 1940s music did they play when Nelly went to accept best rapper? I felt like someone on roller skates was going to serve me dinner at an old style diner. Nobody came.
  • Eliminating artists from the Best Artist award category was interesting, and probably embarrassing for those sitting in the audience. How could they eliminate both Nickelback and Avril Lavigne at the same time? Conspiracy against Canada!
  • After watching Creed jumping around on the Stratosphere, I beg the question: When are the Grammys? Did Scott Stapp look a little? well? did he eat some umpa lumpas?
  • How much do you think Lil? Romeo and Master P paid for that 20 second promotional campaign?
  • I can?t comment on Cher?s wardrobe because I closed my eyes.
  • Cher is right: if there was no Sonny, there would be no Sonny and Cher. She is a genius!
  • When Chris Tucker gave the award to Michael Jackson, and they were sitting next to each other, didn?t it look like a before and after photo?
  • Did Michael Jackson?s face get wider?
  • Justin Timberlake was superb, nailing his performance without moving. He could teach Avril a few things about stage presence and how to entertain.
  • Where?s my special achievement award? Everyone else got one last night.
  • Very appropriate tribute to Run DMC and Jam Master Jay. Too bad Nelly?s microphone didn?t work.

Categories: Rock